EFT utilizes various concepts of NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming).
One of the most important ones when working on life challenges is the idea of congruence. Congruence could be defined as “rapport within oneself, or internal and external consistency.” Another simple way of thinking about it is the compliance between your ideal self and your actual self. I also think that the larger societal conversation about the need for authenticity is the same as congruence.
This is a personal article for me. For many years I lived my own lie. I was lauded as being the top EFT coach yet when it came to my romantic life I was incongruent. By day I coached and assisted people from across the world in the importance of conquering fears. Monday through Friday I espoused the virtues of love and connection. In my life however I resisted facing my own challenges. I never discussed my sexless marriage with anyone. The shame and guilt seemed to subside soon enough and then I’d go on with my life. Or so I thought.
The clear cut evidence that something was very wrong came with my inability to grow my business. I took all the business classes, spent money on marketing programs, and wasted time following the gurus on the net. What I had failed to do was to admit to myself that my marriage was over and I needed to end it. Tapping helped me to first admit the cold hard truth, then face my fears with relative ease, and ultimately create the life of my dreams. What I had always been able to do for my clients, I now had the opportunity to master in myself. When you feel that you are who you are whether people accept you or not, when you know your passion and aren’t afraid to pursue it, when your behaviors match your intentions without sabotage, then you know hit the congruence zone!
Here’s are my tips for getting to congruence:
1. Ask yourself what you would never want another living soul to know about you. Tap on your list. That list is causing you to hold back on playing big in the world and serves no one. Everyone has a skeleton in their closet. These can be from one night stands to embarrassing childhood memories. Also tap on the fear you have of the worst case scenario if someone did find out about your past. Like most fears – they sound worse in your head and lose their power once you bring them to the surface.
2. Ask yourself what you’ve done in your past that is unforgivable. What you feel is unforgivable prevents you from making peace with yourself. It will keep you from feeling that you deserve better than what you are settling for.
3. Ask yourself what consistent negative self-talk you hear throughout our day. Tapping on that inner critic is a must but first you have to be mindful of what is being said in that sometimes crazy brain of yours. Luckily EFT will help you become more and more self aware.
4. Ask yourself what patterns show up again and again in your relationships with others. What are the themes that come up? Are you always feeling betrayed? Are you always feeling misunderstood? Are you afraid of abandonment? These repeating patterns always speak to old wounds in childhood. Tap or Matrix these and free yourself. As soon as you do they will stop themselves from manifesting in your life.