The A.R.E. Questionnaire developed by Sue Johnson, Ph.D
From your point of view is your partner accessible to you? Do you feel loved by him or her?
1. I can get my partner’s attention easily. T F
2. My partner is easy to connect with emotionally. T F
3. My partner shows me that I come first with him/her. T F
4. I am not feeling lonely or shut out in this relationship. T F
5. I can share my deepest feelings with my partner. He/she will listen. T F
From your viewpoint, is your partner responsive to you?
1. If I need connection and comfort, he/she will be there for me. T F
2. My partner responds to signals that I need him/her to come close. T F
3. I find I can lean on my partner when I am anxious or unsure T F
4. Even when we fight or disagree, I know that I am important to my partner and we will find a way to come together. T F
5. If I need reassurance about how important I am to my partner, I can get it. T F
Are you positively emotionally engaged with each other?
1. I feel very comfortable being close to, trusting my partner. T F
2. I can confide in my partner about almost anything. T F
3. I feel confident, even when we are apart, that we are connected to each other T F
4. I know my partner cares about my joys, hurts, and fears. T F
5. I feel sage enough to take emotional risks with my partner. T F
Give yourself 1 point for each T. If you scored 7 or higher you have a secure bond. If you scored you need to secure the bond with your partner. If you end up talking to your partner about some of the answers and questions brought up here avoid criticism or blame and keep it the conversation to 5 minutes.
Do you feel loved by your partner? The ability to love yourself could be at the root of your relationship issues. Read this article on EFT for Self Love here.