A Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman
1. Hey, man, you want a manual for the woman that you are in relationship with? Sorry dude , there ain’t one. Each woman is unique to what she finds pleasurable and what she finds to be a major turn off. If that weren’t a challenge enough, guess what? Each woman varies from day to day and each cycle of her life. Truth. What turns on one woman in the middle of her cycle might be a turn off when she’s ovulating and different from when she goes into menopause. Best bet is to follow Eckhart Tolle and BE HERE NOW.
2. Hey, man, you think you got a clear picture of your woman’s parts because you grew up with the web? Sorry Charlie. No cigar. Every woman’s genitals are different, as different as a fingerprint. Despite what you might have noticed in the porn world, there are incredible variations in color, shape, size, smell, and taste. And just when you think you’ve figured her out, there’s more to learn because your woman’s intimate places can change (refer to #1 above) Best bet is to get to know your woman inside and out and be ready to change your strategy with each encounter. Seriously.
3. Hey, man, you dig science? Awesome, here’s your science lesson for the day. Nerve endings, and therefore pleasure centers, develop when we are embryos. Neuroplasticity means that over time these nerves will be more of less sensitive. Birth, surgery, and sexual injury all contribute to arousal or lack of it in this way. Nerve endings or synapses will drop away from little or no use. Nerves can also be completely frozen or numbed out as a result of trauma. Emotional and physical traumas can make some areas of the body more or less sensitive. Good news for you is that sensitivity can be rewired with patience, diverse touching, persistence and care.
4. Hey, man, communicate and listen more. You want to rock her world? Then pay attention as this is a most important tip. If she’s into it ask her to say aloud words like “good, yes, harder, slower, softer, stop” For some women this will take them out of the pleasure zone, so ask her instead to move your hands accordingly or to discuss what’s working and what’s not outside the bedroom. Listen with your whole body, not just your ears. If you feel her lean in when you touch her there then please do more of that. If you feel her pull away, do less of that. Slightly mixing it up with differences in pressure, rhythm, and motion, will bring her more pleasure or less pleasure. You need to repeat what works and change what doesn’t. Follow her lead!
5. Hey, man, don’t forget about the solid go-to’s. If there’s something you know that takes her over the edge then do that. You might want to try changing very subtle elements of that in order to widen her overall arousal zone.
6. Hey, man, feeling rejected when she says no? Work on your own crap. If she’s letting you know that she’d rather not, it might not be about you at all. Just as that hurt feeling you get about it might not be about her at all. You owe it to yourself and to her to release the ghosts in your own bedroom closet.
7. Hey, man, want to be the knight on a white horse? The greatest gift you can give your woman is to love her through her healing especially if she’s had sexual abuse or injury. Get her the help she needs, be patient, and love the heck out of her. Prove to her that you, the lover of her dreams, can help her heal her nightmares.
Alina Frank, Bestselling Author of How to Want Sex Again