We can become delusional when it comes to sexual addictions or compulsions and fidelity. I’ve worked with many men who realized they had challenges only after getting caught by their partners and were asked to get help or end the relationship.
Here are just a few:
- Frequenting massage parlors with happy endings weekly
- Hiring prostitutes for oral sex (receiving and giving)
- Using a webcam to expose oneself nightly to strangers
- Going to rest stops along highways for hook ups in the woods
- Hiring sex workers during business trips
- Clandestine masturbating in the shower daily
- Receiving texted pictures of women’s body parts
- Sending and receiving provocative texts (sextexting) from former lovers
- Buying coffee daily from bikini clad barista coffee stands
- Spending hundreds a month on sex hotline phone calls
Here’s an example of how EFT worked in one of these cases:
Anthony came to work with me after his girlfriend broke up with him when she discovered he’d been going to sex workers on his business trips. Melinda, his girlfriend, had found out about his habit one day when looking through his credit card statement for something else. When she realized that the dates on some strange escort type services coincided with the dates he’d been out of town she looked further into his files and found that this had been the case for about a year. Anthony was distraught. He had really been deeply in love with Melinda and thought he would soon ask her to marry him. The first session was centered on the sadness at having lost her. When we started to work together a week later Anthony told me that he’d done this with several relationships. I asked him if there was anything similar about the relationships or when the paid sexual encounters would start.
He told me that they seemed to start as soon as they started to become serious almost as if he was preventing himself from getting too close to marriage. We tapped on several aspects of the feelings that came up for him when thinking about other relationships when this had happened. During the third session we discovered earlier roots of the problem. Anthony had been raised by his father, his mother had abandoned the family when he was only 5 years old. We worked on one scene in particular where he remembered his mother walking out and his father called her a whore. He also recalled a scene where he was just a little older when his father told him, “You can’t trust women. You should just screw them, that’s all their worth.” EFT effectively dissolved the intensity on each piece of the puzzle and within a year Anthony had fallen in love and had gotten married.